why are you so quiet?

"Why are you so quiet?" A question I get far too often... Often enough to really make me think about it. Often enough to become a little upset and a little discouraged every time it's directed towards me. So, why am I so quiet?

A lot of the answer probably stems from the fact that I’m just more introverted than I am extroverted. It’s just part of my personality. Maybe not all Virgos or INFJ’s are quiet and more reserved, but I think most of us are, at least to an extent, whether that’s something we’d like to admit or not. I had never really considered any of that to be a big deal at all until I was constantly being asked why I don’t talk, or why I’m so quiet. I didn’t think that being more shy or reserved than others was something that I would be scrutinized for. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with my personality type. I’m just being misunderstood, and so are all the other quiet people.

What bothers me the most about the constant questioning, is that I feel as though I was almost conditioned to be quiet through my interactions with my peers and friends at school and such, especially in college. I had so many (now old) friends that were constantly dominating conversations and talking over me, not even leaving room for you to make so much as a tiny comment. I was constantly being interrupted as if what I had to say wasn’t nearly as important as what they were saying. And after you get interrupted or talked over so many times, you decide to just give up, or at least I did. I chose to stay quiet from then on, and I became more of a thoughtful person instead. However, I’m more talkative with adults because I know in most cases, they’re mature enough to listen to what I’m saying without interruption. Because they understand there’s always time for a response after someone is done talking - for some reason college students don’t grasp that concept… even though they’re technically considered adults. So interacting with adults is usually way more refreshing to me than talking with people my own age. And it’s probably why I’ve always gravitated towards talking with those who’re older than me - even if by only a few years.

But the few people who know me really well, or perhaps know me when I’ve had too many vodka crans, know that I am actually quite the talkative person… if there are people to listen to me. I can go on and on about conspiracy theories, politics, and all the things that I love… I just know better than to waste spoken words on those who are not going to listen to them. And maybe that’s why the past few years I’ve taken such an interest in writing - it’s more so for me than it is for other people, but if somebody so chooses to stumble upon a piece of mine and reads it… that’s great too. But I’m not feeling the pressure or anxiety that comes with needing a response right away. I don’t really mind being ignored when I know that what I’m “saying” is mostly just for me. Do I wish I was a more talkative person? Sometimes. But I feel like I’ve gotten so much more out of conversations by being the person who doesn’t talk very much, I’m actually listening to what people say to me. I’m actually taking the time to remember what they’re telling me and learn more about them. And unfortunately, I don’t think that’s something that a lot of “talkers” can say about themselves. But I’m not going to talk just to talk. I hate people like that. Think about what you’re saying. When you don’t you sound kinda stupid, I’m sorry.

But I’m getting better. I’m starting to talk more. I’m not as shy anymore. I don’t really mind speaking in front of groups of people. I have conversations with waiters and cashiers. I’m getting there, it’s a process. I just need to make sure that in this process, I’m not losing what I have actually gained by being the shy girl, or by being the girl that is a little more reserved because she’s pretty cool too.

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a year’s reflection