21 things I learned by 21

A monumental birthday took place a few days ago. And in twenty-one years, a lot can happen. I've had a lot of ups, a lot of downs, made new friends and lost quite a few too. Through all of that though, I've managed to make it to twenty-one. And I'm happy, I'm healthy, and I'm loving life, so what more could I possibly ask for in this life?

Here are 21 lessons that I've learned throughout the years, in hopes that at least some of them will rub off on you and improve your outlook on life for years to come.

1) Quit holding grudges.

It sounds stupid and cliché, but seriously. I still hold grudges from time to time, but not for nearly as long as I used to. And let me tell you, that when I let go of all my grudges a few years ago, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders because I don't have to focus on what whoever did to make me hold a grudge in the first place. Instead, I chose to forget about the situation completely (depending on the severity of the circumstance, it took longer sometimes). But, you forgive and you forget right?

2) Live in the moment.

Living in the moment is one of the simplest things you can do, but it's also apparently one of the most difficult. These days we've always got our nose in our smartphones. Living in the moment means not doing that. Put your phone down when you're spending quality time with your friends and family. Keep it in your pocket for the majority of a concert instead of filming the entire thing, because let's be honest, you're not going to watch it back once a week for the rest of your life (at least I don't, no judgement if you do that). Don't get me wrong, definitely document your life, I find great passion in that; take all the pictures and videos you want, but don't get too carried away and get stuck on Twitter or Snapchat when you should be enjoying the moment you're in, because you're not going to get that moment back.

3) Laugh a lot.

Why would you not want to laugh more? Laughing makes you live longer, it forces you to smile, and more often times than not, it makes other people laugh too. So, enough said, just laugh more.

4) Tough times do not last.

This is something that I, along with many others I assume, had to learn the hard way. I grew up hearing this from people who had far more life experience than I did. But I never believed them when they said it. But, as always, these people were right, things did get better. I still struggle with believing this one sometimes, but when I find myself struggling I have to remind myself of all the good things that came out of bad times. And then I find peace knowing that everything happens for a reason and that better things and better memories will come as a result of the terrible ones, and I think that makes it worth it. Remember, there's always a rainbow after the rain.

5) Speak up for yourself.

This is common knowledge, I know. But, we all have a hard time doing it. It seems like such a simple thing that everyone should be able to do for themselves, but we all struggle. Most of us struggle when it comes to speaking up for ourselves to people who hold more power than us especially (i.e. a professor or employer). But seriously, depending on how you go about it, you'll probably walk out of it with what you want and being more respected because of it, because you were able to ask for it. But this life lesson extends to other aspects of your life as well, like with your friends. Feeling left out, let them know. This is something that I'm continuing to learn, I still find myself letting people take advantage of me in all kinds of situations. But, I've realized that this is happening and I'm starting to speak up for myself when things aren't right. Progress is something my friends.

6) Speak up for others.

Some people struggle with speaking up for themselves a little bit more than others, and some people are unable to speak up for themselves, so I think it's our responsibility to speak up for them. There are situations where I didn't speak up for someone, when I could have and should have, and I still think about how if I had just spoken up in the situation, it would have ended up so much differently.

7) You're not alone.

I never believed this when I was going through shit. But it turned out to be true, because now I find that people are coming to me for advice on an exact situation I went through at one point. There are always people out there struggling, always people feeling anxious and depressed. There are people out there who know how you feel, they're probably just hiding it from the world the same way you are.

8) It's okay to ask for help.

Not only is it okay to ask for help, but you should ask for help when you need it. Ask for help with your studies because you'll walk out of it understanding the material better. Ask for help when you're struggling with life because you'll more than likely feel better from talking about it. Ask for help because there are people out there who understand how to work through and help you deal with whatever you're struggling with whether it be a math problem, a car problem, anxiety, or literally anything else.

9) Take time out of your day for just you.

This is something I learned more recently, as in this semester recently. I kept getting stressed out about nothing, and then I would stress out about my stress and not really do anything to relieve the stress, leaving me more stressed. I would not advise any of you do this, but I'm sure that at least half of you know exactly what I mean because you've done it too. Quit doing it. I've found that taking just 20 minutes out of my day (at least every weekday), helps rejuvenate you and reignite your motivation in some cases. This could be as simple as taking a bath and reading a book (for fun not for class), or running 3 miles. Some other things I do for me time everyday:

~ meditate

~ do yoga

~ burn some candles/incense

~ have a mini dance party in your bedroom (and sing into your hairbrush for sure)

~ drink some tea and cook yourself a nice meal

~ baking (this one works wonders for me)

10) Doing what everyone else does, doesn't make you cool.

AKA don't succumb to peer pressure. Don't smoke weed if you don't wanna. Don't drink if you don't wanna. Don't go to the bar if you don't wanna. Don't "hit the juul" if you don't want to. The list goes on. Basically, don't engage in any fad, if you don't really want to, simply because it's what's "cool" right now. Because I promise you, it won't be cool in a few weeks, or months, or years, and when it's not cool anymore, you'll probably regret giving yourself any kind of addiction.

Side note: I'm not telling anybody not to do anything. I'm advising you not to do things just because other people are doing them. I know I fall really easily into peer pressure, and I'll do things just because people tell me to or just because everyone else is doing them. But I've come to learn that I have a very addictive personality and I should not do things that are bad for me just because other people are. I'm gonna do whatever I damn well please, because I want to, not because someone else is telling me I should.

11) Make time for the people you care about.

There's not really much to say about this one, just do it. If you're a decent person, you'll make time to hang out with the people you love. You'll make time to check up on them and see how they're doing. It seriously is so stupid that I, or anyone else has to say this. But no kind of relationship should be one sided, all parties should be putting in effort. But also, be understanding if people are super busy in their lives and don't always have time to check in or hang out. But do make sure to surround yourself with people who actually care, and would absolutely be there for you if you needed them to be.

12) Learn to do things on your own.

Not only should you learn to do things alone, you should learn to like doing things alone. I used to have the hardest time with this, I couldn't even go to the grocery store alone. But then I realized that I wouldn't be able to run errands with my friends for the rest of my life, so I learned how to be okay doing it myself. I'm still learning how to be able to go get food by myself, or go to a movie by myself, etc., but baby steps.

13) Always be working on how you can improve yourself.

Nobody is perfect. Nobody. There are always things we can be better at, whether it's being nicer, being healthier, or learning to put yourself out there more. But everyone has things they can be working on to better about themselves. I for example, need to work on putting myself out there (among many other things). The first step is realizing what it is that you could improve upon, and then making an effort to actually try to be better.

14) Try to be as healthy as you can be, seriously you won't regret it.

This one's definitely obvious too, but you're really not gonna truly understand until you actually do it. Exercising makes you feel better. Eating healthy makes you feel better. I'm not going to preach the vegan/vegetarian thing to you because I'm neither anymore, but if you should so desire, it makes you feel better. Reducing your dairy intake, makes you feel better. I'm not trying to be preachy I promise, so I'll quit. But, do one thing today that's healthier than what you usually do, and keep adding to that as time passes. Take the stairs instead, eat grass-fed meat instead, reach for the fruit & veggies instead of the chips.

15) Reward yourself from time to time.

Life is hard and life is tough. So from time to time, definitely reward yourself for getting through it. Buy yourself a cake or a new pair of shoes. Sleep in a little longer one day. Binge watch that Netflix show this weekend. Indulge.

16) Try your absolute best not to be judgmental.

I know that It's in our blood to be judgmental, it seems like we can't really help it. But what we can help, is letting our opinions of people (based in stereotypes...) affect how we choose to treat someone. Always follow the golden rule: treat others how you would wish to be treated. Respect people, it's really not that difficult at all, and it takes no effort whatsoever to be kind to someone.

17) Set goals.

Being ambitious and driven are two of the best things you can be in my opinion. You don't have to go all out like I do and make a list of all the goals you have and all the steps you need to do in order to reach that goal. But, be mindful of what you want to accomplish in the near and distant future, and think about what you can do to get there. Having goals makes doing things you don't want to do, a little bit easier because you know you're doing them for a real purpose now.

18) Be grateful.

Say please, say thank you, realize what you have and don't take advantage of it. And be grateful for the little things in life too, think about what your life would be without those things you take for granted sometimes.

19) Include other people in your plans.

I put this one on the list because I find myself feeling left out and lonely a lot. So whenever I'm making plans, or doing something, I always try to make sure I include other people, because I don't want to make someone else feel the same way I feel a lot of the time. The golden rule comes into play again: treat others how you want to be treated.

20) Get your ass out of bed and do something.

My mamma taught me this one, and it probably took me like 6 years to actually learn it. But mom's always right... remember that. There isn't anybody being productive every single day from bed or the couch. So get up, get some fresh air, and get to work on what you gotta do. Of course, a lazy or sick day every now and then is definitely necessary, but that day is not every single day.

21) Being hungover isn't fun.

I'm 21 now, what else would by 21st life lesson be? So, don't drink on an empty stomach and drink lots of water kids.

Obviously there are many, many more valuable lessons that I've learned, and would love to share. But, 21 is enough for this year. Here's to learning more life lessons. Cheers.